those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
