My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I lost the right to judge tonight
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
