he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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