Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
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Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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