Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
