So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
