Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
