Christians are straight up FREAKS
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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