Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
