You're completely useless in the revolution.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
