Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
