I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
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He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
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I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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