woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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