I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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