right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
