Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
