I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
