I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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