I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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