Swine flu. Run for my life!
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
