Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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