The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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