I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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