hotel room ftw
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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