hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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