i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
