SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
