just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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