Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You're a waste of cheezeits
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
