She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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