U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
