Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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