She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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