dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
