Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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