did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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