I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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