just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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