im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He uses pillows to masturbate.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize