Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
