It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
