just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
