I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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