Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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