Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
