I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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