We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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