So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I puked a lego.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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