She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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