Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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