So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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