Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
