I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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