Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Randomize
