We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
