Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Your cock deserves a montage
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
