I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever