bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.