Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I want a musical about memes.
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