Texts From Last Night

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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this

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  (225): shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this http://tfl.nu/x9rq
  Replies (27) Good night (3322) Bad night (566)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim

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  (678): And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim http://tfl.nu/sj8k
  Replies (51) Good night (1394) Bad night (5203)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..

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  (740): I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep.. http://tfl.nu/e7l5
  Replies (39) Good night (8265) Bad night (837)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating

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  (314): i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating http://tfl.nu/x9qt
  Replies (45) Good night (5198) Bad night (688)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot

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  (814): all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot http://tfl.nu/2zr0
  Replies (51) Good night (7727) Bad night (982)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.

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  (405): I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign. http://tfl.nu/rxal
  Replies (6) Good night (4064) Bad night (1106)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed

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  (610): So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed http://tfl.nu/2fhq
  Replies (5) Good night (4170) Bad night (1036)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.

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  (715): I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names. http://tfl.nu/wmoo
  Replies (11) Good night (1902) Bad night (710)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.

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  (402): She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago. http://tfl.nu/udi4
  Replies (4) Good night (585) Bad night (1322)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.

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  (905): And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high. http://tfl.nu/wkek
  Replies (6) Good night (1130) Bad night (519)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.

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  (719): I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon. http://tfl.nu/f6i1
  Replies (6) Good night (1850) Bad night (586)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny

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  (603): Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny http://tfl.nu/ui8a
  Replies (4) Good night (761) Bad night (284)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche

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  (917): My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche http://tfl.nu/stu6
  Replies (3) Good night (543) Bad night (282)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?

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  (919): if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen? http://tfl.nu/jo08
  Replies (4) Good night (696) Bad night (283)
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  (323): View more from California

  All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza

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  (323): All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza http://tfl.nu/ypli
  Replies (0) Good night (426) Bad night (178)

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