oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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