The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER