ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?