Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no