You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
