He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
