Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
