Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
