My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
