Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
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