I think scott just propositioned me for sex
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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