I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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