Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
