not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
