I love black thongs
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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