Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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