I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
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You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
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If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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