Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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