There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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