I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
