i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
