time to smoke my breakfast
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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